And you managed to WIN that bet, Bakura?
by Bardicsidhe
Summary: What happens when most of the cast of Yu-Gi-Oh gets stuck in a hotel room with nothing to do for the evening? Why...? Read and find out!
1. Chapter One

**ﻙﻁYu-Gi-Oh! Behind the Scenes: on location, trapped in a hotel roomﻙﻁ**

This is what happens when already insane authoresses have far too much sugar, have been watching far too much cartoon, and have far too much free time.

**The Usual Disclaimer: I do not own any part of _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  These characters are owned by their Creator, Kazuki Takahashi (who endowed them with certain unalienable rights…which we as authors and bishie-wranglers tend to alienate on a regular basis ^_~)**

**ﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫﻫ**

Seto Kaiba flicked another Duel Monster card into one of Yugi's Magic Hats.  "Hah.  That's twelve in a row.  I win again!"

Yugi, Tea, and Joey groaned.  "When's da room service gonna get here?" The dark blond teenager asked, sorting his cards out of the silk top hat.

Tea snorted.  "Whenever TRISTAN gets out of the BATHROOM!"

"This hair takes a lot of work, you know!" Came the muffled reply from the other room.  Everyone sighed.  "Not as much as mine!" Yugi complained.  _His hair was currently pulled back into a severe ponytail--Tea was forced to admit that it __was kind of cute.  She wasn't admitting anything at the moment, however.  "TRISTAN!  __Some people need to GO!"_

"Way to share, Tea," Joey snickered.  He regretted his big mouth as he popped it back into place.  "What was dat for?"

"Don't worry," sneered Tea, "They'll cut it out of the show and say I _shoved you."_

Even Tristan in the bathroom sniggered at that one.  Joey glared.  "I can punch!  I _can!  It just didn't look right on da screen!"_

"Sure," A smooth voice replied, "Neither does your face."

Within moments Kaiba was sharing floorspace with Joey, as the blond leaped over the bed and flattened him.  Yugi and Tea simply exchanged looks and leaned over the cards to keep them from scattering.  

"I think it was a censors issue, really," Yugi added in desperation.  Nobody heard him.

"Did you two perform at the same casting call?  I think they hired you just because of the bad blood that was _already there!"  Yugi lay on his stomach on the pillows, fingers meshed under his chin very appealingly.  _

"Nah.  Da bad blood's on him."  Joey got up and bounced onto the other bed.  Tea ripped a pillow out from under Yugi's elbows, tucked it under her head and lay on her back, staring at the ceiling.  "I don't have to go...I don't have to go...I don't have to go...TRISTAN!"

Tristan poked his head out of the bathroom.  "You rang?"

"You PIG! Get out of there!"

Tristan obligingly moved out of the doorway with a sweeping bow.  "As you wish, my lady."

Tea raced for the bathroom while the others snickered.  Kaiba hauled himself off of the floor between the beds and moved over to the battered table to sulk.  Joey sneered.  "Dat'll teach ya to make fun of my face!"

"Who said I was joking?" Came the irritating reply.  Yugi hid a chuckle to see Joey visibly struggling to restrain himself.  _So sensitive about his looks...should I tell him that Kaiba's been hiding his fanmail?_

_Nah.  It's too entertaining.  Yugi schooled his features into one of rapt innocence and continued to sort cards out of the Magic Hat.  He flicked a Blue Eyes White Dragon at Kaiba.  "There's one."_

"Thanks." Kaiba caught it in midair and went back to sulking.  *poink!* "OW!" Kaiba rubbed his head and watched the offending gummi bear ricochet off the lampshade.  He looked around.

Wheeler was leering.

Mutoh was still looking too innocent to be true.

Taylor was trying to look like he _didn't know anything...and succeeding._

A flush signalled where Gardner was.  Kaiba's face grew red.  "WHO THREW THAT?"

No answer.  Joey's attention wavered elsewhere, as his gaze locked on a point above Kaiba's left shoulder.

"WHEELER!"

"It wasn't me!" Joey's glare shifted back to Kaiba momentarily before resuming its original position.  Yugi looked in the same direction.

"It was me."  A deep, commanding voice answered.  Kaiba spun around in his chair and looked toward the window.  "Where'd _you come from?"_

Yugi chuckled and waved at his alter ego.  "You're a good shot, Big Guy!"

"Thanks."  Yami Yugi leaned on the A/C unit and fiddled with the dial.  "Isn't it too cold in here?"

"No.  You're just used to sand and blistering heat."  Yugi smiled sweetly.

"True that."  Yami left the dial alone and dug in his pocket for another gummi bear. 

Yugi dumped the remaining cards out of the Magic Hat before tossing the prop at the television.  "Darn Cartoon Network!"

"Strong word." Tristan said soberly as he flopped onto the other bed next to Joey.  "Next time try 'dang,' it has more force."  Joey hid his face to keep Yugi from seeing his expression.  Tristan, meanwhile, still looked entirely in earnest.

Yugi stuck out his tongue at both friends and snagged the remote.  "Oh look," he said sarcastically, "_this hotel has HBO!"_

Tea, meanwhile, had exited the bathroom with a much more peaceful expression.  Tristan shrank away from her and elbowed Joey.  "Remind me never to make her mad when she has to pee."

Joey agreed.  "Only if you do da same thing for me."

Tea whopped both boys on the head as she walked past and bounced onto the bed next to Yugi, resuming her vacant post as a card-sorter.  That hat certainly held a lot more than it appeared to.  "Joey, here's your Flame Swordsman.  And your Red Eyes.  And your Copycat..."

Joey leaned forward and snatched the cards from her outstretched hand, nearly falling off the bed as the unexpected backlash of the mattress bounced him a foot in the air.  He shot a glare at Tristan, who covered his mouth to keep from laughing.  Joey flopped down _hard and Tristan shot two feet in the air.  "Hey!"_

"You asked for it."

"_I asked for it? __You asked for it!"  Tristan whacked the mattress as hard as he could, and Joey flew off the edge.  "Dat's it...!"  The blond leaped onto his snickering best friend and shoved him into the tiny space between the bed and the wall.  Tristan suddenly found himself staring at the carpet, one arm pinned to his side and unable to do much more than breathe.  "Do they __ever vacuum down here?" He sneezed and winced as the mattress pressed on his chest.  Several pairs of hands hauled him out of the tiny space and he gasped for breath.  Yami, Kaiba and Joey kneeled on the mattress next to him.  Joey looked concerned.  "Sorry...you all right Tristan?"_

"Yeah." Tristan coughed and stretched out again.  "Wait a minute...I saw something down there!"  The geometrical brown hair disappeared for a moment as Tristan poked his head down into the space again.  Joey joined him.  "Whattaya see?"

"I see...what _is that?"_

Joey peered into the gloom.  "Got me."

Tea laughed.  "Looks like a pair of asses to me."

Joey's indignant glare shot up over the side of the bed.  "You don't like da view, you move!"

"Thanks, I will!"  Tea ignored the goings-on completely and snatched the remote from Yugi.  "Ooh, _Dirty Dancing is on TBS!"_

Yugi snorted.  "For the millionth time in its short existence."

Yami snared the other chair from the table and parked it backwards in front of the television.  "I happen to like this movie."

Tea shot him a grateful smile.  Yugi began repeatedly whacking his forehead on his pillow.  _I don't understand girls...I don't understand pharaohs...I don't __understand this movie!  "Gimme that remote!"_

"No!"  Tea held it out of reach.  Yami simply rolled his eyes and ignored them both.

"_Give it here!"  Yugi's normally violet eyes took on a red tinge.  _

"Where's that room service?" Yami asked.  Kaiba shrugged.  "They said thirty minutes."

"Ah.  Ooh, my favorite part!"  Yami leaned on his crossed arms and paid no attention to the fact that Yugi currently had Tea in a sleeper hold.


	2. Chapter Two

Joey and Tristan had meanwhile unearthed their treasure and were examining it.  Kaiba noticed them hunched over something and sauntered over to investigate.  Tristan held his cupped hands away from the other's blue eyes.  "_Mine."_

"Hey! Mine too!"  Joey protested.  Kaiba clambered onto the mattress.  "What is it?"

Tristan relented and held out his hands.  Kaiba stared.  "Where'd you get that!?"

Joey shrugged.  "Under da bed."

"Are there more?"

"I don't know!"

Kaiba hung over the edge of the bed while Joey and Tristan continued to ogle their prize.  "Hey, I found one!"

"Greeaaaat, dustbunnies..."  Tea commented, neatly pinned Yugi on his back and retrieved the remote.  Yugi squealed.  Rustling wrappers and munching from the other bed made them both stop and look.  "You guys have food?" Tea demanded.  Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba shook their heads but said nothing.  Joey held out his hands.  They were empty.  Yugi did a double-take.  "Guys!  That's horrible!"

Tea caught on.  "Ewww!  That's just gross."

Tristan looked aggrieved.  "We're _hungry!"_

"Yeah!  And dey were _wrapped!"_

"Do you have any idea how _long those things were under there?"  Yugi's completely disgusted expression made everyone giggle, until they looked to see an identical expression on Yami's face.  "Don't you have higher standards than that?"_

"And your idea of gourmet is what...grilled desert monitor?"  Kaiba sneered at the Ancient One.  Yami's eyes narrowed.  Tristan's eyes rolled.  "Don't even start it, you two.  I'm sure our food will be here soon."

Kaiba smirked and snatched the remote from the other bed.  Tea leaped on him, while Yugi sighed in relief.  "Hey, it's KidsWB!"

"Are we on?"

"I dunno...commercial break."

"Oh look, the Hooked On Phonics commerical again!"

Joey leered at the kid on the screen.  "I'll bet he can't really read a twenty-four chapter.................................................book."

Everyone snickered.  "Joey, you've been watching this channel for far too long."

"I think by da time he finally gets to da word 'book,' da commercial should be over!"

"I agree."

"I don't even think they should run that commercial.  It's so old, that kid is probably in college by now."

Kaiba snorted "Not if he can still only read a twenty-four chapter............................."

"BOOK!"  Tristan and Joey finished the dialogue.  The others cracked up.

A knock on the door silenced everyone.  "Hey, guys?  Anyone here?"  Came a soft, slightly accented voice.  Tea ran over and undid the latch.  "Hey Bakura!  We're watching today's episode of _Yu-Gi-Oh!"_

"Great!  I brought food!"  The ice-blond held up four sacks with golden arches emblazoned on the sides.  "I won a bet from The Dark Magician actor-guy, so now I've got funds."

"What bet?"  Joey's gangster-side couldn't help but surface.

"He bet me eighty dollars that I couldn't _prove I was straight."_

Yugi sighed painfully.  "When will they ever leave you alone?"

"And you won?"

Bakura sent Kaiba a withering glance.  "I'm short about twenty of it now, being as I was nice enough to buy everyone _food and all..."_

"FOOD!"  Tristan propped himself up on the bed.  "I smell hamburgers...fries..." He sniffed again, "And a cherry pie!"

"_Seven cherry pies, actually.  I assume you and Joey want Big Macs?"_

The boys in question nodded emphatically and received their sandwiches.  Bakura tossed Yami another sack, the contents of which he split with Tea and his smaller self.  Kaiba attacked a grilled chicken sandwich, before peering strangely over at Bakura.  "How did you know Big Yugi'd be here?"

The angelic teenager smiled mysteriously.  "Isn't he always?"

Yugi bit into a cheeseburger as he punched a button on the phone.  "Is this room service?  How's the order coming for room 21?"

The man on the other end seemed confused.  "Room 21 doesn't have a pending order..."

Yugi muttered something about drug usage by the desk clerks.  "Okay, well, if one should happen to surface, cancel it?"

"Yes sir."

"Thank you."  He turned back to the television.  "Finally, _Scooby Doo is over!"_

"You don't like him?"

"Who does?"  Yugi ducked to avoid a whap from Tea.  Yami nodded sagely.  "There is no reason for a talking dog."

"Yeah, and the man with the magical necklace should talk because...?"

"Kaiba, you're going to regret that one."

"Magical _talking necklace."  Yugi added helpfully._

Yami snorted.  "Prerecorded 'strong voice' calling out to you from your Millenium Puzzle again?"

"Yeah...maybe there's a tape recorder in there?"

"Maybe it was implanted in your skull."  Kaiba smiled irritatingly.

"Quiet everyone!  It's starting!"

They all crowded onto beds and chairs and watched the introduction.  Kaiba, squeezed in next to Tea momentarily, pointed to the image of himself and Yami falling into a dark vortex.  "I sprained my shoulder that time."

"Why don't dey give us stunt doubles?"

"Since when do card players need stunt doubles?"

"Still..."

"Shh!"  Tea loved to watch the character bits.  Her image flashed by, looking perfect, righteous and just.  "Thank heavens for good makeup artists."

Kaiba's image just looked angry as hell.  "Why do I have to wear those contacts?  It makes me look like I have no _soul."_

"No comment."  Tristan flashed an innocent smile.  Joey snickered.  Tea reached over and whapped Tristan's head, flattening his carefully arranged hair.  Tristan moaned and ran into the bathroom while Joey continued to snicker without remorse.

"My favorite episode!"  Yugi bounced the springs, earning himself a sharp nudge from Bakura.

"It's only your favorite episode because you got more screen time than me."  Yami looked smug.  "Unusual."

"You got _no screen time, if I'm not mistaken."  Yugi's eyes narrowed.  Bakura nudged him again._

"Got no?" Kaiba smirked.

"Shut up!"  Now Tea whapped Kaiba.  He tried to ignore her.  _Don't hit girls...don't hit girls..._

Joey started singing.  "I cain't get no....I cain't GET no....sat-is-fac-tion!"

Tristan raced out of the bathroom and slapped a hand over Joey's mouth before he could massacre more of the song.

"Tristan.  You look...normal..."  Tea stared.  _You frankly look hot..._

Tristan's eyebrows shot up.  "All I did was wet it down and put my bandanna on..."

"It seems to work."

"Now if only we could convince Joey to _wash his..."_

Joey shrugged out of Tristan's grip and leapt for Kaiba with a scream.  "It's GEL!"  


	3. Chapter Three

Bakura grabbed the blond's shoulders and used the momentum of the mattress-bounce to shoot him back toward the other bed.  Joey thumped onto his backside and stared at the seemingly fragile white-haired boy.

Kaiba smirked.  Again.

"I hope your face freezes dat way."

"And all the fangirls will drop at your feet."  Tea smiled, cleverly disguising her sarcasm.  Heaven knew _she thought the smirk was irritating.  Kaiba took her comment at face value.  "Thanks.  You think they like it?"_

Joey winked at Tea and gave her a thumbs-up that Kaiba didn't catch.  Tea grinned back at him.  _Now, if Joey__ wasn't such an stubborn, risk-taking maniac, I could really go for him...nah.  High-maitenance.  _

(*Authoress whacks Tea* Now, enough of that...*sweetly*)

Joey's attention was drawn back to the screen.  "Hey look...it's me!"

"Yeah.  Being the usual pain-in-the-neck."

"Pain in da _face for you."_

Tristan shook his head.  "They cut that, remember?  Because you can't punch."

"It was a _censor issue!"  Yugi interrupted the argument.  Joey smirked.  "Yeah.  Because I don't __pull punches."_

"Yes."  Yami took Joey's side.  "As I recall, Tristan had a rather large black eye after that."

Yugi gave up in disgust.

Tristan mumbled something under his breath.  Joey caught it and snickered.  "Ooh, dere's da Flame Swordsman!  My little brother wants to be him for Halloween."

Tea swooned.  "He is so _cute in real life!"_

The boys rolled their eyes and ignored her.  "Da Swordsman...or my brother?"  Joey obligingly whipped a picture of the chubby toddler out of his wallet and passed it around.  "He was da little me for da battle with da Paradox Brothers."

"Oh yeah...!  That was your _brother?"  Kaiba actually looked slightly interested as he inched forward out of the tangle of people on the bed to place the photo in Joey's outstretched hand._

"Yup."  Another knock on the door got everyone's attention.  Tea leaped up to answer it.  "Mai?"

"Sure thing, kiddo.  I heard the noise from next door and thought I'd join the party."  The blond woman was still spectacular, even in a pair of blue plaid flannel shorts and a faded tee shirt emblazoned with the _Gundam Wing crew.  Tristan and Joey couldn't help but notice.  And Mai couldn't help but notice Tristan's normal hair.  She wedged herself between the two friends, as Tea curled up next to Yugi.  Yami reached into the bag on his lap and pulled out a leftover cherry pie, which Mai happily accepted.  "What are you kiddies up to, anyway?" she asked between swallows._

"Watching television.  We're too tired to do anything else."  
"Yeah...dis on-location stuff is for da birds."

"You have to admit that the castle _is cool."_

"Downright drafty, I think."  Bakura shivered.

"Not _that kind of cool!" _Sheesh, Brits…_ "Yes, it's nice, but I'm sick of hotels."  Kaiba folded his arms under his head and stared listlessly up at the ceiling.  "And I'm not too fond of the castle's owner, either."_

"But we've never met him..." Yugi tried to be the voice of reason in what was turning out to be a rampant bash-fest.

"Not the _real owner, you idiot!  The guy who plays Pegasus."  Seto retorted._

Yugi uncharacteristically bristled.  "I'm not an idiot!"  Yami had an identical expression.  Joey looked from one to the other.  He was constantly amused by those two.

Kaiba waved a hand lazily.  "Of course not, Yugi.  Moving on...I don't like him either.  I personally think he's an arrogant, egotistical, narcissistic..."

"We _are talking about Pegasus here...right?"  Joey snorted and shot a glance at Tristan, who had spoken.  Yami unhinged enough to snicker maliciously.  Kaiba looked disgruntled.  "Don't think I don't know what you were talking about."_

"I'm sure you didn't."

Yami snickered some more, joined this time by Yami.

"There's a lot more to me than any of you know."

(*Authoress listens to the Seto Kaiba fangirls wildly applauding*  ^^)

Tristan smirked.  "Some things we'd rather not know about."  

(Yay! Tristan growing a personality!)

Bakura felt the need to interrupt.  "Are we going to finish watching the show...or not?"  Mai nodded.  "Joey, you should be proud of this one.  Though I have to say that Rex really gives me the creeps."  There was a round of nods in agreement to the blond woman's statement.  Tristan subtley shifted closer, and Mai didn't move away.  Joey simply shot them a warning look and started untying his shoelaces.

(He's not yaoi.  Just already taken. *proud smile*)

Yugi stared at Joey's shoes with naked envy.  "How'd you convince the prop department to let you have those?"  Yami nodded, with a slightly miffed frown.  "I can't figure out why they see the need to put me in pajamas. Why must my pants and my boots be all one piece?"

"It looks dramatic.  Seamless image."

"And I _hate the buckles on this shirt."  Yami fiddled with one of the buckles and started undoing it.  Yugi tossed him an old, battered sleeveless shirt from the bag next to the bed, and the pharaoh went to the bathroom to change.  Mai gave them all curious looks.  "Why haven't any of you changed out of the character clothes?"_

Kaiba shrugged.  "It makes us easier for the audience to identify."

"What audience?"

Kaiba pointed toward the person currently reading the fanfiction.  "Them."

(*catching falling items as the Fourth Wall shakes and threatens to bring the entire place down around her ears*)

Everyone looked...followed by a variety of ear-shattering screams.  Yami poked his spiky head out of the bathroom.  "What?"

Whatever Kaiba had been pointing at vanished.  Yugi and Tea wore identical shocked expressions, while Mai used the terror as an excuse to snuggle closer to Tristan.  Joey...interested.  Kaiba...impassive.

"What?"  Yami asked again.

No answer.  Everyone was still staring out the window.

"WHAT?"

Joey gazed calmly over his shoulder at Yami.  "Giant people.  Nothing that hasn't happened before.  Remember Bakura's game in the shadow realm?"

Looks of realization dawned over worried faces.  Bakura protested.  "That wasn't me...I swear!"

"We're getting mixed up again.  That was all in front of a green screen."

"No it wasn't!"

"Yes, it was!"

Joey and Tristan glowered at each other over the top of Mai's head.  The blond woman simply took another bite of her rapidly vanishing cherry pie and said nothing, engrossed in the show.  "Tristan, you really need to talk to the makeup department."

A sigh.  "The hair again?"

Mai shook her head.  "No...the fake tan...your skin is an off color in this one...maybe it's the inking department."

(*Fourth Wall shakes violently again...terrorizing the authoress and her muses, who scatter, gathering injured plot bunnies*  One more comment like that and it'll be curtains for all of us! *whacks the giant viewing screen*  Cut it out you lot!)

"The what?"  Everyone pretended that they had no idea what Mai was talking about.  Tristan nodded.  "Those cameras need replacing or something."

"Yeah, ever since Kaiba broke 'em all!"

"What was that, dog?"

Tristan dropped a hand on Joey's shoulder, and the dark blond decided not to retaliate.

"Oooooh...look!  There's the time wizard!"

"My favorite part."  Joey paid no more attention to Kaiba--who looked disappointed.  The blond teen's fists doubled over as he watched the Time Roulette spin.  "Come on...come on....GO THOUSAN' DRAGON!"  
"Joey, you already know the end of the show."

"I can't help it."

"Competetive nature."  Mai smiled mysteriously at Joey, while Tristan looked confused, then pissed.

(Who says they never did...?  I'm just being nice to Tristan today. ^^)

Bakura sighed and changed the subject.  "Ever since the game in the Shadow Realm, I've apparently been relegated to cheerleader duty."  Tea shook her head and pointed at Tristan.  "Look at _him, he's never even __had his own episode!  The rest of us have had at __least one!"_

"That's because he has the personality of an overripe mango."  Kaiba volunteered, "How can you build an episode around someone with all the charm of rotten fruit?"

Now it was Joey's turn to drop a hand on Tristan's shoulder.  "Easy buddy.  Look at it 'dis way...at least he didn't call you a dog."

"No.  That's _your_ special nickname."  Tristan, still pissed, gritted his teeth and glared at Kaiba.

"_Enough!"  Everyone turned to stare at Yugi, who was kneeling on the bed just beyond Bakura--eyes red and feral.  His fists were clenched, teeth gritted.  "__NO MORE FIGHTING!  I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!  YOU PETTY LOSERS--"  *poink*_

Yugi flinched and wavered.  Then, as the rest watched in seemingly slow motion, his eyes rolled up into his head and he fell backward on the mattress, unconscious.  Yami held up another mummified gummi bear, and smiled at everyone.  "He'll be fine.  Pass the fries?"


End file.
